To See Clearly

I have been on this crazy journey with my eyes for the last year or so. In fact, I had it confirmed for certain today that it’s probably been for my whole life that my eyes have struggled to work together, I’ve just compensated for it (the doctor says that’s what girls do, nearly across the board). Now that I’m older, I don’t have the facile muscle or brain power I once did to continue compensating.

So, I have constant double vision, facial fatigue from trying to focus, halos around everything, difficulty concentrating, etc. It’s been many months since I got any real enjoyment out of reading a book or working on my knitting for more than 30 minutes at a time (I am SO grateful I can do most knitting by touch). I recognize that it’s not a huge deal when compared struggles others have, but when I consider how critical my eyes are to everything I’m involved in right now, I went to the doctor with not a little trepidation, bracing for the worst (no more close work, limit the computer, put away the camera, etc.).

Instead, I’m so filled with relief!

I have found a developmental optometrist who specializes in treating Convergence Insufficiency and other vision problems. And wow, is this doctor a choice find! We share the same birthdate and he is definitely a kindred spirit. He made me feel much more at ease than any other doctor I’ve yet seen, and was genuinely curious about all my work. He also confirmed to me that this is a serious issue-not just laziness, or too much screen time, or worse, all in my head. He assured me that with therapy, I really can learn at last how to make my eyes work together.  That thought thrills me. I realized after the appointment just how heavily I’ve been carrying this around. I actually shed a few tears of release, then I think I may have experienced actual giddiness. I didn’t skip anywhere, but I did celebrate by spending a few minutes in one of my favorite environments in all the world: a bookstore.

So why share this?

Have you ever encountered opposition on the way to something wonderful? Well, Gwen and I are on the way to something wonderful. I’m so excited about our future plans, and I know we are going in the right direction, but I found myself pretty nervous as, time and time again because of my vision, I was forced to limit the amount of time I could spend on important projects relating to our next steps. I felt fear of the unknown, centering around what this doctor was going to say (I’ve had this appointment scheduled for about 2 months), which was in direct contrast to the good feelings I have whenever I think about this new venture. So, to be past this obstacle (at least mentally) has freed up a tremendous amount of energy in my creative center, and while I still have some work to do, I have much more confidence that I’ll be able to go toward what I want if I have patience and pay the price.

Stumbling Blocks or Stepping Stones?

Tonight, I was working on a long-stashed UFO, a sweater that has been a bit of a pain to work on. I’ve considered ripping it out, but always end up thinking about how much I’ll enjoy the finished product. Tonight I realized that I can change my approach (from what the pattern says to do-DUH!)  so I don’t dread the process so much. I did, and I’m now making much quicker progress. I got the front nearly finished in my little spurts of knitting.

It’s amazing what identifying a problem and then finding or making a solution can do. I hope that you’ll identify a roadblock to your creativity and get up and over it to the next level.